Rory & Logan Meet Teddy Ray

Ah, everyone has his or her addictions. Mine have changed over the years, but I will readily admit to my current addictions – "Gilmore Girls" reruns and Diet Dr. Pepper. I gave up soda last year for Lent; yes, folks, I gave it up for 40 days and 40 nights, but I have little hope of ever abstaining from "Gilmore Girls." I even have episodes on my iPod.

A "Gilmore Girls" episode actually prompted this blog. I was watching the episode where Paris follows Rory to Stars Hallow. Paris is looking for the kind of news story for the school paper that will clinch a prestigious award for them. She is convinced that Stars Hollow, the picturesque town where Rory lives, has an underbelly of crime and corruption. Rory tells Paris she’s wasting her time. But, some people, like Rory, can never sniff out the dark undercurrent that resides in every town, be it large or small. My own mother, for example, couldn’t find trouble if I dropped her off smack-dab in the middle of Hell’s Kitchen. But me? I can somehow find myself embroiled in a "Rose Mary’s Baby" type docu-drama whereever my feet may take me. It is a gift. I mean, I learned just last night that a young whipper snapper friend has turned to a life of crime by stealing Sprite from McDonald’s. It starts out innocently enough, stealing soda, but it ends with free-basing hotdogs. I know from my own sordid soda addiction.

I tell you who else can find trouble . . . simply follow college frat boys around with a video camera, and there, my friends, you will have good TV. I heard tell last night of a group of whipper snappers from UT Knoxville that took a road trip to see a friend attending UT Nooga. Downtown Nooga is very nice, indeed, but the curvy road will lead you astray. Off the drunken visitors go to a friend’s house (down the curvy road). Upon their arrival to the residence, they are greeted by the southern drawl of an overalled hillbilly in a greasy shirt drinking Busch Light beer. "Y’all want to come on over here and drink some beer with me?" "No, no, no . . ." the whipper snappers unanimously answered, with the exception of the lone wolf passed out in the car. The rest of the group entered the residence of their friend, leaving the passed out fella in the car and the barefoot, dirty hillbilly rocking on his front porch.

Fast forwarding to later in the evening, the whipper snappers go to check on their drunken crony in the car. Gasp . . . he was GONE. But, these amateur Sherlock Holmes’ found a clue – there was a Busch Light beer can on the hood of the car. So, off they go knocking on the hillbilly’s door. He answered the door and said, "Y’all can’t have him, ya just left him in the car." The hillbilly had developed a cliched lisp at some point during the evening. (I for one was shocked at this turn of events. I mean, I can think of several instances where a gay man might need to wear overalls, but under NO circumstance can I ever imagine any of MY gay friends in a dirty shirt).

They went next door to call the police, much to the chagrin of their host (I’m guessing he had to hide some stuff in the toilet tank before the police were actually called - as I mentioned earlier, we all have our addictions). But, the police arrive to save the day, and they knocked on the hillbilly’s door. Hillbilly answered the knock with a newly busted nose. Apparently, the hostage had awoken in a strange bed with a hillbilly rubbing his feet. His first reaction was to punch said hillbilly in the nose. See . . . some people can just take care of themselves – drunk OR sober.

This story makes me even sadder that "Gilmore Girls" was canceled. I could have submitted a script entitled, "Rory & Logan Meet Teddy Ray." (Matt Czuchry, who played Logan, is, after all, originally from Knoxville, so it would have been very plausible that he would have been in the group of frat boys visiting UTC). I can’t even tell you how much I would have enjoyed writing the dialogue for that episode. Rory would, of course, have called Lorelai to save the day instead of the police . . . that folks, would be good TV.