I’ve Worked with Lots of Errrr “Donkeys” but Never an ACTUAL Billy Goat

I work as a consultant for an assessment company in the 'Boro. In this day and age, much of the work is outsourced to other cities; however, I work at the home office in a business park. I like the people in the business park. We have a tattoo place, a hairdresser, the Weed Man, a vitamin distributor, the soils group, a dance instructor, and a place called Big Head Caps, just to name a few. (My brother-in-law has a freakishly large Charlie Sheen type head, so I've actually bought a cap for him before from Big Head Caps).

One day I went in to the office, and I found about a dozen goats wondering around in the parking lot. Later in the day, the goats would begin climbing on top of cars. Being a farm girl, I can't tell you how amusing I found the whole thing (I kept thinking of the cliched term "corporate jungle," but it had "devolved" to "corporate farm".) Estelle in the suite next door did not find the incident nearly as humorous as I . . . she called animal control (to no avail). Maybe I would have found the whole thing much less amusing if the goats had not found my own mini-SUV too daunting of a challenge to actually climb. I'm sure I'd feel differently with hoof prints in the hood of my vehicle.

That same day, I came back from lunch to find police patrol cars everywhere. At first I thought they'd finally busted the Weed Man for selling marijuana (I have a theory that his advertisement for killing crabgrass in manicured lawns is a front for a lucrative drug business. But, no, the Weed Man was safe for another day.) Estelle came over and explained that the billy goat had seen his reflection in the window of Big Head Hats, and he busted through their window with his gynormous horns. Once in, he couldn't figure out how to get back out, so he ran rabidly around the store until the police arrived. I personally believe that he was just trying to find a hat to fit over his large horns. (I hear that their employees of non-farming origins are still in therapy, though).

I can only imagine that the billy goat was arrested because it was an obvious case of "breaking and entering." As a concerned citizen, I have a few questions for the arresting officer. When the goat was placed in the back of the patrol car, did they have to use one set of handcuffs or two? Was he able to post bail? I wonder who the goat called for his one phone call? I also wonder if the judge was lenient for a first time offender. We all make mistakes . . . it is, after all, a "corporate farm" out there.