Rural Legends

My friend, Renee, and I grew up in different parts of the state, but we are both from very small towns. When we dress up, we can both put on a good city girl impersonation. I've found that the accent wanes or intensifies depending on where you are and who you're talking with (and how long you're there). But, we both have had our "Beverly Hillbillies" moments; we've shared our war stories over the years. Renee once ate a pat of butter at a fancy-smancy wedding 'cause she thought it was a mint. I once got my coat stuck in the escalator at the O'Hare Airport. They had to shut down the escalator and pry my coat out with a crowbar. I also wore these ridiculous strappy sandals to a business dinner in The Village in the pouring down ran . . . couldn't keep those darn things on when my feet got wet, so I had to walk through the streets of New York barefoot – how country bumpkin is THAT?? Hurricane Floyd was moving up the coast . . . you'd think I would have had the good sense to wear pumps, especially since they'd shut down the subways due to flooding.

But, I find that we talk about our own hometowns more than our big city adventures. I know the funny nicknames her grandma Capitola has for everyone (my favorite to date: Ole Lumpy Legs), and she knows all my Mean Lorene stories. Strangely, some of our stories are the same. For example, we both have stories of friends or family members that have "allegedly" buried cats and ran over their heads with a lawn mower (we both are animal people, so we always cringed at these stories). We also both know women that have supposedly sewn up their drunken husbands in a sheet and commenced to giving them a good beating (her story involved a beating with a shoe, and my story involved a beating with a broom – or was it the other way around??). The sad thing is . . . I always kind of believed the sheet story. Oh, well, I suppose there's comfort in the gullibleness of small town girls, no matter how well traveled we become. Proudly, this small town girl HAS managed to go to Tijuana several times without waking up in a bathtub full of ice with internal organs missing!