Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Is any woman EVER really happy with her body? One friend says, "I have no butt. I really wish I had a butt." My sister-in-law cries, "We must, we must, we must increase our busts!" Another friend says, "I'm an apple shape. So what if I have long, beautiful legs? (That's not what she says, by-the-way, that's MY description of her legs). Just look at this belly of mine!" she groans.

I have an hourglass shape, which basically means that fat particles can jump off a friend to either my breasts or butt (like fleas). No amount of exercise or diet can dissuade these "fat parasites" in said areas. I believe all women are dissatisfied with their bodies. Men don't understand, and they tend to be unsympathetic. It being an election year and all, if given the choice, I would NOT re-elect my fat parasites; however, my husband is a proponent of fat parasites, and he might even campaign for their re-election. See, men just don't understand.

Here's the problem with an hourglass figure . . . you have to wear clothes that fit, otherwise, you look as big as Aunt Bertha in her floral mumu – and I LOVE to wear baggy clothes. As a matter-of-fact, baggy clothes, crazy hair, and the no make-up look are the GREATEST perks of being a consultant.

The other problem with an hourglass figure is the jeans issue. Sure, I CAN find jeans that fit me, but I usually have to pay $50 + for them, and I tend to be a little frugal (I guess designers are making us pay for all the extra material they are having to use in the seat area). My apple shaped friend says, "Oh, try the Ashley Judd jeans from Goody's. I love them!" So, off to Goody's I go. I was not optimistic – our body types are completely different. We weigh the same and are exactly the same height, but I'm probably at least 1 size larger due to my gluteus maximus parasites. But, I took Mrs. Ashley's jeans into the dressing room and tried them on. They fit perfectly. It could have been my imagination, but I think I heard angels singing in the background. And the best part – yep, $29, thank you very much.

I'm not sure how Ashley Judd has taken the same pair of pants and made them fit both me and my small bottomed, long legged, apple shaped bud, but I really think they should consider a sainthood for her. Or, maybe it's just a "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" thing. I'll be mailing the jeans to YOU with a letter right after I take them off. Remember, you can't wash them . . . it will break the magic! (But, please buy some Febreze).