Renee and I both have fuddy-duddy hubbies that won't take us to the fair, so we took matters into our own hands. When Renee called and asked if I wanted to go to the fair, I told her I was on my way! Renee, after all, has been hearing me talk about these earless goats for years now. So, off Renee, Jessie, Will, and I go to the Wilson County Fair. Our conversations in route to the fair were your normal ones. We talked of earless goats (of course), the fact that I needed to get a potbelly pig to help control my snake problem (pigs eat snakes), and we talked about the bull in the movie Barnyard actually having utters (a travesty!!).
We arrived at the fair, and the stars were aligned, my friend! Our very first stop was to the earless goats (yes, yes, pictures to come . . .). That's one more thing I can mark off my bucket list. We didn't know it at the time, but the day would only get better! There are so many possible blogs in my Sunday at the Wilson County Fair. Let's see . . .
1. The earless goats.
2. Redheads were coming out of the woodworks – they were everywhere.
3. Some man gave Renee and I pairing knives. I believe he wanted us to chop carrots with them, or something, but we decided they might best be used for protection.
4. Middle aged women with lumpy skin, belly-button rings, and clothing at least two sizes too small (if you listened closely, you could hear the low hum of the clothing whispering, "I'm…Not…Qualified…For…This…Job!")
5. Stalking a 16-year-old guitar player with Jessie.
6. Meeting a FABULOUS 95-year-old groupie that quite possibly could have been a ghost. (She WILL get an entire blog at some point!! Yes, yes, there's a picture below!)
7. Watching men in loin cloths jump 80 feet into a 9 foot pool of water (although, I have become jaded – I wanted a horse to be involved).
8. A very nice carny who carries a rodent around in her apron (yes, yes, there's a picture below!!).
Ah, the memories, the memories. We were just about to leave when we passed by the pig race that was scheduled to start at 9:30 – it was 9:22. How could we leave without seeing that? We saw pigs, ducks, and goats race, but the finale was to be a potbelly pig race. The MC announced dramatically that he needed 4 adult women. My crew, spurred by my potbelly pig talk early in the day, immediately began jumping and pointing at me. The MC came and looked me up and down. I was camouflaged yesterday in city girl attire. "Have you ever even seen a live pig?" he asked suspiciously. I assured him that I had. He looked unconvinced, but, none-the-less, I was assigned to pig number 8. I knew before the pigs left the gate that pig number 8 would win; it was simply in the stars. Sure enough, I was crowned Pig Queen of the Wilson County Fair.
Renee, Jessie, and Will began bowing down as I gave the audience my best pageant wave. Fireworks erupted in the sky in honor of my great victory. I got a ribbon and everything. The MC brought the pig over . . . I was to give him a victory kiss (I assure you that I have kissed worse). Renee was so excited she nearly peed her pants. But, alas, it was just a ruse. I was actually kind of excited about it – I felt certain that my pig would turn into James McAvoy when our lips, errrr, snots met. I wish I had known – I would have come more properly dressed . . . perhaps sequins and overalls?
Well, I'm off to fulfill my duties as the 2008 Pig Queen. I will be touring all the Piggly Wigglys in the South East, so bring your cameras, kids!
"Fair"well, and remember, "Darlin' I love you, but give me Park Avenue."
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